Ok, so I really need to be doing my education project that is due this week, but I have been thinking about way too many things lately, and I think that writing in my journal would help me actually concentrate on my work.
First of all, I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for the ways that God has been blessing me lately. I feel like He just keeps pouring them on me, and I know I didn't do anything to deserve them... talk about God's grace and mercy. Things are just really good, and I'm still really, really happy. I like that. Glory to God.
Second of all, something that's really been a burden on my heart lately is this: Is it wrong to dislike someone? Now I'm not talking about hate- I have never in my entire life hated someone. But is it wrong to strongly dislike someone? There are a couple of things that have been tugging at my heart lately. First of all- forgiveness. Even if something that a person says hurts me in more ways than they could have possibly imagined, I should forgive them. And that's hard for me. Forgiveness has never really been something I've struggled with. I've always been an overly forgiving, overly trusting person. But for some reason, this time around, I am really, really struggling with it. Second of all- the way I treat others. I'm supposed to treat others as I would like to be treated. When I really look at some of my actions toward some people in the past month or so, they're not how I would want to be treated. These are some scriptures that I have really been thinking about lately.

Matthew 22: 37-39
"Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, this is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself''"

Matthew 5:43-47
"You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?"

Matthew 6:14-15
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Whew... some of those are brutal. God doesn't mess around when it comes to forgiveness and the way I am to treat others. He's really straight forward about it. The hard part about it all is to actually act the way I know I need to. To actually forgive. To actually treat others as I would like to be treated. I know it's not going to be easy for me. Because I think not forgiving was my easy way out. I had gotten over things, then things that happened at the beginning of the semester brought it all back, then things were said that hurt me to the point of making me more angry than I have ever been. And not forgiving- that was my way of making sure those feelings never came back again. But God calls me to forgive. And in my mind, I've argued with God. "But God... if I forgive, the feelings that I've fought for so long will come back." And God says, "Forgive." And then I say, "But God, you don't understand. What was said, that hurt me more than anything else ever has. I felt worthless." And God says, "Forgive."He doesn't say, forgive if it's convenient. He doesn't say that I only have to forgive if the person asks for forgiveness. He doesn't say that I only have to forgive if I was only a little bit hurt. No- He says forgive. I've got a lot of praying to do. A lot of digging deep. It's a good thing I don't have to rely on my own strength to do it all... God's got that under control. :)

Ok... I feel a little bit better now. I should probably get to work.