"You change for only two reasons. You learn enough that you want to, or you hurt enough that you have to."

I really like this quote. Go ahead and use your own logic to figure out why.



I should be studying for my Praxis right now. Instead I'm writing in my stupid blog. Why? I have no clue. I really don't know that I have anything of importance to say. I just felt like writing, and I didn't feel like studying, as usual. I should really work on that. Considering that I am paying $200 to take this test, and if I don't pass, I have to pay again... it would probably be a good idea to pass the first time around.
Next week is Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to getting a couple of days off school. I'm not, however, really looking forward to Thanksgiving. It's going to be the first holiday without my Grandpa... and I'm basically dreading it. To be totally honest with you- there isn't a single part of me that is looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner. And if you know me, you know how much I like to eat, and you know this is saying a lot. I always spent Thanksgiving with my Grandpa... he was always the patriarch of the family. Sitting at the head of the table, saying the prayer before the meal, and ever year while we were passing the food, he would say, "Stop passing the food so I can eat!" I'm sure that we will all share memories together and everything. But it's just going to be really, really, really hard for me. I miss him a lot. Even though I hated having to see him in that stupid hospital, I would rather be doing that every day. I know he's in a better place, and that it's so much better that he's not suffering anymore. But I'm still really struggling with it. I still can't get through the song Amazing Grace without crying. I sang him that song every single time I was there. Sometimes on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I start wishing that I could go up to the hospital and see him like I was doing at the beginning of the semester. I just want to go hold his hand for a while, and tell him about my life, and sing him a few songs. Blah.



"But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Loving myself. Being content with myself and the way I am and the person I am. Not letting the things that have happened to me, and the way I've felt in my romantic relationships determine what I think of myself. If I keep telling myself that I was just a notch in the belt, just one of many, just... nothing- then eventually I will start to believe that. And regardless of what the truth is, I can't keep belittling myself like that. I AM worth loving- regardless of the fact that I have spent the past few weeks convincing myself otherwise.

"Only when I am listening to God's voice, and not my own, am I set free from having to prove to the world (or myself) that I am worth loving, because God has already, repeatedly, affirmed his love for me."